pocketjenn

It seems it has been years since I posted anything in this things and don't really remember the gist of it all but here it goes. This weekend I am going to be going to corpus and am supposed to party out.  I have not partied in Corpus so I don't really know what to expect but I hope that it involves a lot of dancing and good memories to be made. Other than that I now live in Kingsville, TX it's not at all what I expected.  I knew it was small but this place is ridiculous.  Another things the girl that I am living with is literally out of her mind. she is always talking about how she wishes she were dead and how the world would be a better place without her. I don't agree with her but I am getting very annoyed hearing the same stupid shit all the time.  Also she keeps coming into my room and using my things as if it weren't bad enough that I have to hear her depression stories all the time i also have to come home to her in my room. WTF is that I pay rent here also I help out around here also I don't she has an entitilement over my things just because she owns the house well I don't believe that because I pay money to live on this side of the house and I feel that gives me the freedom and the right to do w/ it what I please! alright enough ranting and raving about it I feel a lil better... I'll update later and let you know how corpus went =)

Wow it's been a while since I've posted anything... well life is going good I have a boyfriend who is really sweet to me and well I have pretty much fallen in love with him. it's funny cause I find myself wanting to be with him and hold him and have him hold me i think those are the things that make everything worth while... I love his smile, his jokes, the way he looks at me when he wakes up and finds me next to him... isn't love grand... Well tomorrow I will be driving to San Antonio to see my brother and his Jessamin two of my favorite people wish they would move back to fucking Texas already cause I miss them so much and have so much that I would like to do with them cause even though they are book worms they are fun to be around well better get some rest have a long drive tomorrow and really don't know what else to say

today begin the midterms, have one in half an hour and I know that I am going to do horribly. Hopefully I can pull something out of my ass or at least I can copy off of the person that is going to be sitting next to me. What can I say I haven't been studing for college algebra and I feel that I am going to pay for it on this test... Next two tests tomorrow A&P and History. Still haven't finished my History review and I feel that it is kinda hopeless in A&P so those two tests are going to go to shit but at least I still have a B in Composition...

thought: maybe if I were to study a little bit more I would make better grades but for now C's will do

~Jenn

yesterday was the first day that I didn't feel all bad... I woke up and I felt like this was it a new begining something yesterday told me that everything is going to be all right. Now all I need is some friends so I won't feel this way alone (anyone up for being my friend)

~Jenn

I'm fucking tired of this shit... SOMEONE SAVE ME!!
~Jenn

It is now been a week since my boyfriend and I ended, I guess this should be a good thing because things weren't going as planned and we just weren't happy together anymore. But the thing about all of this is that I can't help but be sad, I stop and I think of all the good things that we shared together and all the things that we had planned for later in the future. Now nothing that we thought would happen is going to happen and we are left to be alone. Me with nothing here at my house and I can't even bring myself to call him because I know that he wouldn't call me(and hasn't called me for that fact). Well I know that the future has good things in store for me but I am missing him right now and I wish that I could make this empty feeling be lifted and find something that could make me whole again, of someone.
</3 Jenn

The Lost Soul


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
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As to that one person who feels that I don't want to be there friend, they (HE) is wrong but sometimes when you love someone your friend (bestfriend) is supposed to understand if you don't talk that much to them anymore but still know that you (he) is in my heart... but it's fine if that person (he) doesn't understand I guess that person (he) will never understand what it is that is going on... to bad I know HE's not even happy for me what a good friend
~Jenn

Well it's been a loooooong time since I have typed in this thing... hope that everyone is doing GREAT! I'm awsome been working and pretty much other than that not doing anything but hittin the hay :)..

latest news I now have two dogs a American pit bull terrier, and a tea cup chihuahua, also got the boot for a semester from UTPA (hah maybe I should've tried a little harder to pass my classes). also have a serious boyfriend things with him and me are great we live together and well now there's no secrets I know everything about him and to my suprise I'm not bored of him, go figure.

Also my birthday is coming up in 7 DAYS wahoo!!!!!!!

don't forget I NEED presents June 14th that's the day don't forget it :)

well I guess I've run out of things to say I'll come back if I think of something interesting to say other than this and woops I'm rambling

~Jenn

I come home in two days well that's the plan anyways I should be home by Sunday night. I miss being at home, not to sure what it is that I miss from being at home but I know that I do miss something. Well today I didn't do anything we stayed home all day and didn't go skiing it wasn't that bad except that I feel fat now. I was hoping that while I was here I was going to lose some weight. Well I know what my New Years resolution is going to be it's going to be to not be lazy anymore. What I mean by that is that not sleep till 12 then go to work at 2 or 3 the plan is to wake up at 9 and go to work at 10 then when I get out of work go work out and get back into shape I have faith that I can do this I just need to keep a positive attitude towards things. Like nothing is impossible. Well other than that I guess I don't really have another New Years resolution except that maybe I should hold myself at a higher standard don't let people hold me back and don't let anyone make me feel lesser of myself. Well just wanted to tell everyone that I miss them from back home. I can't wait to just get back into routine. One last thing I need to make sure that I sign up for some classes I want to take at least 15 hrs 18 might be a little more than I can handle plus if I fail one class I will always make full time with making 12 hrs of credit right. Well that's about all I have to say at the moment. Hope everyone has a get New Years day and New Years Eve.

~Jenn

tomorrow I leave for New Mexico. Is anyone going to miss me? I hope so cuz I'll miss everyone

~Jenn

I don't know what to say just wanted to say I'm alive and kicking, to bad it's not a GOOD day it's always a bad day. Ever since I fell in love again life has been hell as always. Love isn't for me I am meant to be alone for the rest of my life if not to be in a terrible tragic pain. I hate everyone right now (by everyone I mean HIM). That's all I have to say thanx
~jenn

Last night I went to bed at 3am I am soooo tired! today I went to mexico and it was the longest trip EVER. The day started at 6:30am when I went to go work out then I combed my hair and got dressed at the Summit Sports Club. Nothing to bad here is when it started getting bad, I get to school with my friend and well she tells me that I"m gonna have to wait for her till around 2. HOLY CRAP! long wait especially since at this time it is 9am. I don't have class on Tuesday's and Thursday's. Luckily my mom calls me and tells me she's on her way to pick me up (Good thing it would've been a SUpER long wait!) so at the time she picks me up it's around 10am. I think we are headed to mexico nope I thought wrong we stop at my house to pick someone up and then we have to go drop them off at Wal-Mart and not the one close to my house the one across town. Holy CRAp here we go again. Well I guess that isn't to bad but then we stayed there for 2 1/2hrs longest wait in my life. I get home and I am STARVING. my aunt makes to awsome food for me to eat. and my mom says she just needs to make a quick run to the store so that we can leave to mexico. well another 2 hrs after that it is 3pm and we are barely making our way out of town. good thing I took a power nap I still need more sleep.

Good things that happened were that I got to see my three cousin's that I hadn't seen in forever and 4 of my second cousin's and the newest addition to the family my cousin's husband. Strange thing is taht she is 16! oh man people in mexico I swear I'm happy for her but the only advice I gave her was to wait till she turns 21 to have her first baby with the guy. well that was my super long day! Hope I have another one similar to that one again :) it'll be fun if only till I get sleepy hah! well nice to remember the good things

~Jenn

have you ever wondered why it is that you fall in love? what the fuck is love anyways. I miss the guy I think I love or could love. Maybe it's not even him, but more than likely it is. Why doesn't he call? Why doesn't he care? I miss how it feels to be held or to hold that special someone. I really miss you! I wish you would just show me a bit of care. That's all I need I will be fine with a phone call a day, even if just to say hello. How can you care about me if you don't think about me? I don't get it I don't think I ever will. Well I wish I had the guts to tell him that. But do I, of course not, I never will either. Show me the way to your heart. Should I care less for you to care more? Should I pretend that it doens't hurt me that I know you have a phone and could call me and you don't. Should I show you how strong I can be? maybe it's the only way. if it is than I don't know if I can do it. Someone show me the way!
~Jenn

post a fond memory you have of me or a not fond memory you have of me

or

post something you wish would happen between you and and me I guess it could be anonymous if you want it to be :)

~Jenn

Well today has been the slowest day ever, I have been up since around 10 and have gone to HEB and it feels as if it should be late already because it feels longer than it actually has been. I guess that's what happens when you don't have a job and don't have a life, nothing to do or say. School tomorrow I have a lab and need to finish my take home test. When is this going to end, I hate school and I hate doing nothing. I want to work and I don't want to go to school i want to go to cosmotology school. Hah go figure that my mother wouldn't care and tells me that she won't pay for it. It's fine though I will find a job and save my money and I will pay my own fucking way through that damn school. I don't need her support for that. She says that it's not the money but it's that she knows that I won't do good. I don't know why she says that becuase right know in school I am doing awsome. But does she stop to see that of course not because that doens't matter what matters is that she sees what she wants to see and she never sees me do my homework therefore it never gets done according to her. This is the biggest load of bullshit EVER! I have all B's in my classes I know there not A's but I am not that smart. Pulling these B's are hard enough. AHHHHH I notice that when things are on my chest and I want to get them off I beging to ramble. One other thing I know I am not depressed anymore because I haven't take a nap all day and well usually I am a big napper and still sleep at night and I recently heard that a person who sleeps a lot is depressed, a person who doesn't sleep enough is soon to go crazy, and a person with no mental problems sleeps soundly only at night. What a great thing to sleep that way. I had been getting hardly anything done lately but today I feel that it is a new day, the sun is shinning the birds are chirping and I am not depressed. No one knows this but I had been feeling as if I wanted to end my life and that no one would miss me. But now I know that I am wrong. Someone showed me the light and showed me that my family would miss me and that they themselves would miss if anything were to happen to me. I guess that is a good thing knowing that you are loved or if not even loved cared about. What a joy! Also one more thing I thing my ex-boyfriend was the person who was depressing me making me feel lesser of myself. I know that a person shouldn't do that to you but he was, he even at one point hit me but I evened the score the other day when I punched him in his face. I had been wanting to do that and never had the guts but when I fianlly let it out if felt SOOO GOOD! Well that's enough insite into my life I miss being happy and sleeping soundly. I miss the way things used to be when I knew who I was, but who am I now?

~Jenn~

Today my boyfriend (well now ex) had a huge fight he told me a lot of things that didn't need to be said. I Guess I am better of without him such as most people, not all, are better off single. what is really sad is that love him. It seems that most people fall in love with the ASSHOLES, well any hoot. Tomorrow is going to be a good day, tomorrow is always better than the first day. I guess all in all I just have to keep a positive attitude towards this. One more thing is that he always had to be right about everything, I know that is totally off subject but it's true. I miss him I hate him and now I have to learn to live without him.

On the good side of this I had a CS test today and I feel very confident about it but only time can tell with this thing :)

~Jenn

I need more damn friends!!

Have you ever felt like the world is spinning and no one has stopped to notice that you've fallen down. Well that's exactly how I feel, no matter how much I yell for someone to notice me it's seems futile. school is going ok but everything else stinks, I have maybe one friend who never calls me and no one to hang out with. I know friends aren't everything and I have a few that are just waiting for me to call them, but I guess I might be what people call "prideful". I don't know if I could just pick up and phone and be like well I'm sorry that I haven't been around for a while how are you? I seem so pitiful HAH no one has to tell me I figured it out on my own. Well since the one good thing I have right now is school I should probably get back to studying and keep those good grades... :)

~Jenn

well today I am in a world of pain yesterday I had surgery. I guess I know that I'm going to be ok but it feels like my heart will never feel that same way. I really like this boy and well he didn't even bother to call me yesterday knowing that I was going to be in surgery I don't know how I should feel about that? Well I know how I should feel but I thought that he cared and well it turned out that he didn't, well fuck him I guess is that people would tell me to do. I am pretty sure he could care less if I continue to talk to him or not. But the saddest thing about the whole thing is that despite all of that I still miss the stupid fuckhead... the heart is a mean little trick player and I wish that my heart would stop fucking with me and let me just be fucking HAPPY! but since I know that isn't going to happen anytime soon I'm just going to continue ranting about it... on a liter note my surgery went well but I have to see the doctor in a week to see if he has to do anything else or if he took out all the cancerous cells, hah, fuck who knew cancerous cells at the age of 19 fuck it I guess if I was mean to die I'll die if I wasn't then I guess I won't only time will tell. And to everyone who gives a shit I'll miss you if I die sometime soon and well don't miss me because I will see you in the next life. and that is something that I do belive, truth of that matter is that I am not one bit scared of dying I am more scared that the doctor fucked up something in there and I won't be able to have children because well if I die at least I know I wasn't able to have children because I am dead not because my internal organs just aren't good enough to produce a child of my own, now see that is something that would fucking kill me inside. Not that I want children anytime soon or anytime in the near future but I know that I will want one if not two sometime in the near future... well that's about all i have to say about things right now. Also hopefully this fucking pain will go away ASAP!!

~Jenn~